Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
