Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
