just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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