he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
