When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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