no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think my moral compass just broke
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
