i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
