I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
