i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
