everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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