i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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