I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
