Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
