I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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