I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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