I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
