I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
