so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
it's like iHOP with fire
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
