Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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