You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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