My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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