They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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