Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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