My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
someone owes me an orgasm
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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