If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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