it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
