The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
