guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
