i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
