I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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