I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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