i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
