Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
