why didn't you poke me back
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
