The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
