My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
