I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
