And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
