I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
