since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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