I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
