its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
