I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
