69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
