What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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