I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize