He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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