wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
