Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
