Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
