I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Come on in and take your pants off
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