So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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