It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's rum buckets o'clock
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
