hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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