Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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