We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
