it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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