life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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