there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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