Whod you bang
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
