I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
