my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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